The Trials of Online Dating
by Icy Amour
Summary: Gil never believed in online dating until Liz made him a profile on One World Love. There he first set his eyes on Matthew. After months of texts and chatting they are going to meet in person. Unfortunately for Gil the universe has it out for him. Follow our luckless Prussian on his first (& possibly last) date with his r CrowleylovesUSUK. Boys Love You have been warned!


**AN: Hello, hello darlings! So as you can see I am not dead. Sleep deprived, but not dead. As some of you may recall I had a baby which is why it has taken so long to post anything. I have a multitude of things partially written, but little bit takes up a lot of my time. Plus all that real life stuff.**

 **Anyhow, this is for CrowleylovesUSUK, who is a total doll and I promised this to be written ages ago. Crowley honey I hope you enjoy this as much as you did 'Warm'. I hope everyone else enjoys it too and I'm happy to be back. Even if it is briefly.**

 **I just own the plot guys!**

* * *

"One World Love is the premier online dating service. It caters to all orientations the world over and has an astounding ninety percent success rate," Elizaveta turned around to look pointedly at the pale, silver haired man behind her. "Come on Gil. You can't argue with statistics like that," she grumbled as she sat in front of her friend's desktop PC reading from the aforementioned website.

"I don't care what the site says Liz. The awesome me does not need help finding a date from some matchmaker website," Gilbert countered from his seat on the black sofa facing the computer in his apartment living room.

"Oh, please Beilschmidt. This site was made for you. Can you honestly tell me the last time you went on an actual date?" Liz questioned exasperatedly. Gil opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off by a brunette man entering the room from the kitchen.

"And people you randomly picked up in a bar do not count," Roderich interjected as he walked toward the brunette woman with a plate of sandwiches in hand and effectively cut off any retort the albino had been preparing to say. Gilbert snapped his jaw shut and glared at the other man.

"Thought so," Elizaveta smirked and her green eyes gleamed deviously as Roderich placed a kiss on her cheek before offering her a sandwich.

It was still a little weird to Gilbert that his friends slash exes were now married to each other. He knew he should never have agreed to that threesome.

Although, it had been entertaining explaining to people at the wedding that he was the best man and ex-boyfriend of both the bride and groom. He snickered as he remembered how Rod's great aunt had nearly fainted to learn that bit of information.

"What are you snickering about?" Roderich asked haughtily as he set down the plate of sandwiches on the coffee table and took a seat next to his friend.

"I just remembered how your great aunt nearly had a heart attack when I let slip that you are bi," the red eyed man replied with a laugh and received a jab in the arm from the now irritated brunette male.

"You are such a cad,"

"Focus gentleman. We need to get Gil's profile put together so he can stop being a lonely loser by spending his Friday nights with his exes," Liz stated from her position at the desk as she furiously clicked and typed things into the PC.

"Who are you calling a loser? I never agreed to this. What are you putting on that site about me?" Gilbert asked his voice a mix of irritation and worry as he rose from his seat to stand behind the tawny haired woman.

"Just the truth. Who better to fill out your profile than your best friend slash ex-girlfriend?" the green eyed girl stated rhetorically. "Okay that's all done. Now to view your potential matches,"

The screen shifted from Gilbert's profile page to a new page filled with several profile listings.

"I'm amazed there are so many matches. I was going to be impressed if only three popped up," Roderich said with a sniff as he joined Gil behind his wife.

"Har har, you're a riot Specs," Gilbert said sarcastically and rolled his ruby eyes.

"I swear if it wasn't for the ring on my finger I would think you two were the ones who were married. Now shut up and let's look at your options," Elizaveta groused as she began scrolling through the listings. There were thirteen in total.

"You can skip any Hungarians and Austrians. We all know those won't work out," Gil teased and received a pair of glares for his efforts.

"Oh, look at this one. He's a looker," Liz said as she scrolled over an image of a spiky haired blonde. "He's Danish and claims to be the king of awesome. Hee, sounds like a match made in heaven,"

"They'd kill each other within a week. Move onto the next one. She looks promising," Roderich said as the screen moved down. "She's English and looks very ladylike. That would be a good balance for you,"

"I don't think so. There's something about her that I just don't like. Let's keep looking," Gilbert said as he found himself getting into this whole dating site thing. The trio sifted through nine more profiles and discarded each one for some reason or another. On the second to last one Elizaveta was losing her patience.

"Come on Gil! This is the second to last guy. You can't dislike all of them,"

"Look at him, Liz. That smile is crazy creepy and I don't want to be with a guy who could bench press me," the albino countered with a shudder.

"Fine! Whatever, but if you reject this last one I am officially giving up on you," she exclaimed with a tired sigh as she scrolled down and gasped at the image that came up. "Okay, there is no way you can say no to this one. He is gorgeous,"

She was right. The picture that came up stole Gilbert's breath away. He was a blonde with shoulder length, wavy hair. His amethyst eyes were set behind a pair of simple glasses amidst features that any super model would kill for and his smile. That smile had to be the sweetest, cutest thing the red eyed man had ever seen.

"What's his name?" Gil asked dreamily as he leaned in toward the screen with a dopey, puppy love expression.

"It says his name is Matthew Jones-Williams. He's twenty-two and currently lives in Toronto. That's not **_THAT_** far away," Liz said looking up at her friend expectantly.

"He could live in Guam for all I care. How do I contact him?" he said excitedly and was seriously tempted to shove Liz out of his chair to get at the computer.

"It's kind of like Facebook. First you'll send him a poke and if he pokes back then you can start messaging each other. From there you can exchange numbers and all that," the brunette explained with a sly little smile.

She clicked on Matthew's profile and scrolled the cursor over to the 'poke' button. She hovered over it expectantly.

"Do it," Gilbert said without missing a beat.

* * *

 _Bzzt...Bzzt...Bzzt..._

"All right already. I'm coming. Hold your damn horses," Elizaveta barked as she stormed over to the intercom next to her front door. She quickly composed herself before holding down the call button.

"May I help you?"

"Liz, it's Gil. Buzz me in now. I'm having a crisis," Gilbert all but shouted into the com system making the brunette flinch.

"Okay, okay. Chill out," she responded as she hit the buzzer allowing the albino entrance to the building.

Five minutes later heavy pounding sounded from the front door. With a heavy sigh Liz opened her abused door and a breathless Gil stumbled in.

"You're never going to guess what has happened," the albino man said as he reached up and clutched his friend's shoulders.

"You finally picked up a history book and learned that Prussia hasn't been a country since the end of World War Two?" she teased as she broke from the man's hold and wandered over to her sofa. He shot a quizzical glare at her back.

"What did I ever see in you? You are so not funny," Elizaveta rolled her eyes dramatically and took a seat. "Anyway. So it turns out that Matthew is moving to New York," Gilbert said with a crooked anxious smile as he stood in front of his friend.

"Seriously?! That's great, Gil. I know things have been going really well between you two," the brunette said excitedly as she gave a little clap and bounced in her seat.

"Yeah, he got a job at the zoo working with their polar bears and starts in three weeks," he explained as he toyed with the hem of his shirt and his gaze trailed along the floor.

The un-Gilbert like attitude did not go unnoticed by Elizaveta.

"Why are you acting all nervous and, dare I say it, unawesome? You should be bouncing off the walls," she said gazing questioningly at her friend.

Gilbert gave her a halfhearted glare before heaving a large sigh and dropping his gaze to the floor again.

"He's flying in tomorrow and staying with his brother for the week to apartment hunt. While he's here he wants to go on a date,"

"I'm still failing to see why this has you acting so out of character," Liz said crossing her arms over her chest impatiently and stared down her friend.

The albino fidgeted silently under his friend's gaze before he couldn't take anymore.

"Gah! Liz, I'm just scared that I'm going to screw this up," Gil exclaimed in anxious irritation as his hands shot up from his shirt to tangle in his hair.

"You two have been talking to each other for two and a half months now. If you haven't scared him off by now I doubt it's going to happen because of one date," the brunette said with a rather unladylike snort and earned herself a rather nasty glower.

"You just don't get it. Talking on the phone and email is nothing like actually being with the person. There is no screen to hide behind. No grace period for replies," he sighed dejectedly as his entire posture sagged and he slumped onto the couch next to his friend. "I really like him, Liz. I don't think I could survive him rejecting me,"

Elizaveta sat in stunned silence staring at the man beside her. Even when they were dating she had never seen him so vulnerable and scared.

"Oh, sweetie. You've got it bad," she said in a gentle, teasing manner as she leaned over and hugged the albino.

"Yeah, so what are we going to do about it?" he asked returning the hug.

"Don't you fear as long as Liz is here. I'll help you plan and execute the best first date ever," Elizaveta said cheerily with an excited smile on her face that Gilbert couldn't help but to return.

* * *

"Scheiss! Scheiss! Scheiss!" Gilbert exclaimed as he ran desperately along the uncovered sidewalk. He had nearly reached the apartment building where Matthew was staying with his twin brother, when the skies had opened up releasing a deluge of rainwater.

His white button up had instantly become soaked and clung to him uncomfortably. The cuffs of his trouser legs were sopping along with his dress socks after unfortunately treading through that massive puddle. The small bouquet of red Gerber daisies he had purchased did not fare well either.

"Verdammt rain," he cursed as he glanced up and noticed he had reached his destination. Moving quickly he slipped into the building's lobby and trudged, dripping the whole way to the elevator only to see it was out of order.

"Seriously?!" the albino muttered exasperatedly before sighing dejectedly and turned to the door for the stairwell. Thirteen flights of stairs later he found himself huffing and puffing his way down the hall to apartment thirteen-thirteen.

'Gotts, I'm so out of shape. Monika would be so disappointed in me,' he thought to himself as he came to a stop in front of the door he had been seeking. Taking a steadying breath he knocked determinedly on the door and made a vain attempt to straighten out his appearance.

"I've got it," a muffled voice called out from the other side of the door as the locks audibly clicked and the door slowly opened.

Gilbert felt his chest swell in anticipation as a tall blonde appeared in the doorway.

"Can I help...Sweet maple! Gilbert?! What happened to you? You look like you walked here in a hurricane," the other man exclaimed as his periwinkle eyes blew wide in shock as he took in the albino's appearance.

"Hi, Matthew," Gilbert responded as an embarrassed blush crept across his cheeks and he rubbed absently at the back of his neck. "It kind of started raining on my way over here,"

"Didn't you check the weather report before you left?" Matthew asked as he stepped back and gestured for the pale man to enter.

"I may have been a little distracted in my anticipation to see you," he responded as he entered the apartment. A small smirk crossed his face at the blush on the Canadian's cheeks.

"Well let's throw your things in the dryer real quick and then we can be on our way," he said after closing the front door. "The bathroom is the second door on the left. Al should have a bathrobe hanging on the back of the door,"

Gilbert nodded and slowly lifted his damaged bouquet.

"These are for you. Sorry they got a bit roughed up on the way here," he said dejectedly as his gaze fell to the floor. He completely missed the sweet smile that the other man offered him.

"That's so sweet. Thank you, Gil," Matt said taking the gift. "I'm sure Arthur will be able to help me perk them up a bit. He's magic with plants,"

The pale man grinned before turning to go peel off his soaking attire.

* * *

The past thirty minutes had been absolute torture. After divesting himself of his wet clothes Gilbert had found the robe Matthew had alluded to and what he found horrified him.

Seriously, who would own a robe that short and revealing? Plus what the Hell were the little green blobs covering the damn thing? They looked like little rabbits with wings!

To make matters worse he not only had to be seen by Matthew in such a state of undress, but also Matthew's brother, Alfred, and his boyfriend, Arthur. Gilbert was certain he would die of embarrassment as he had made awkward small talk with the three blondes as his apparel dried.

Now Gilbert found himself redressed in his dry attire and walking along in awkward silence with his date to the restaurant where they had reservations. The accursed rain had disappeared just as quickly as it had come and the albino cursed the treacherous precipitation for causing the weird atmosphere he found himself in.

He was certain that Matthew was less than impressed with their date so far and he hoped that dinner would salvage the situation. He had gotten reservations at the nicest Italian restaurant in the city. Well more correctly his sister, Monika, had gotten the reservations since she was dating one of the owners, Feliciano, but that was beside the point.

'Get it together, Beilschmidt. A little rain and embarrassment will not ruin this night. You are too awesome to lose this gorgeous Canadian to something so lame,' the silver haired man thought encouragingly as the pair walked up to the front of their destination.

Gilbert quickened his steps with renewed vigor and opened the door to the establishment.

"After you, liebling," he said with a wink and slight bow.

"My how chivalrous of you," Matthew replied with a chuckle as he entered the eatery.

Gilbert quickly followed behind his date with renewed optimism only to have his hopes dashed when he saw the man working as the host that evening.

Lovino was Feliciano's twin and co-owner of the restaurant. He also hated the Beilschmidt siblings with every fiber of his being.

Gilbert felt his heart sink when a pair of glaring amber-green eyes settled on him.

"What are you doing here albino potato bastard?" the small Italian man asked scathingly.

"Hey, Lov. I'm here on a date. Didn't Feli put in the reservation?" he responded in a friendly tone as he gestured to Matthew. His eyes locked pleadingly with Lovino's and begged for civility. Sadly, Lovino didn't get the message.

"He may have mentioned it," the restaurant owner responded flippantly as his focus shifted to Matthew. "So what's the story? You lose a bet and had to go out with this bastardo?"

"Um…No?" Matthew said as his brow creased in confusion and his eyes shifted back and forth between the two other men.

"So, you're willingly on a date with this jerk?" Lovino questioned arching his brow incredulously.

"So how about that table?" Gilbert interjected desperately again gaining the Italians attention.

"Yeah. Sure. Follow me," he said tersely and started off into the sea of tables with a set of menus under his arm. Taking Matthew's hand Gil quickly fell in step behind the host.

Moments later the couple found themselves set at a table near the kitchen and a curt 'someone will be with you shortly, bastard' from Lovino. As soon as the host was gone Matthew turned questioning eyes on his date.

"So what was that all about?"

"What was what all about?" Gilbert responded absently as he flipped open the menu and picked up his water glass.

"That guy's attitude. Is he your ex or something?" Matt asked causing the albino to nearly choke on his complimentary water.

"Me and Lov? Oh, Hell no. That bad tempered little scheiss hates my guts," he answered with a chuckle as he wiped at his mouth with his napkin.

"Oh, thank goodness. It would have been awkward to eat here if he was your ex," Matt said with a small relieved smile. "So why does he hate you?"

"Don't really know," he said with a shrug. "He hates Monika even more,"

"Really?" the blonde queried unable to hide his surprise. "Does he just hate everyone of Germanic descent?"

"That and anyone who dates his twin," Gil answered with a chuckle.

"Please tell me the brother is nothing like Lovino. Monika has to have better taste," the blonde said as he picked up his water and took a sip.

"Oh, Feli is the polar opposite of Lov. He's a total airhead which you would think that would drive Monika up the wall, but nope. They actually just got engaged," Gilbert said with a small grimace.

"Why'd you make that face? Do you not like the guy?" Matthew asked with some concern.

"No, Feli is great. It's just that I walked in on them having sex right after the little guy gave her the ring. I have never seen Monika turn so red and all that Casanova could do was grin like a fool,"

"Oh, sweet maple I thought I was the only one who was unfortunate enough to walk in on their sibling having sex. Al and Art are seriously like a pair of rabbits. I've walked in on them three times since I arrived," the Canadian said around his barely contained laughter.

Just then the waiter came up to take their order and from there the pair shifted into a casual mood. They exchanged more stories and enjoyed their meal. Everything was going so well that Gilbert forgot that the universe had it out for him.

He had just paid the bill for their dinner, ignoring Matthew's protests that they should go Dutch, and failed to notice the server behind him had a lit blowtorch as he rose from his seat. As he rose he accidently bumped the other man and somehow in the fray the torch was turned on the albino lighting his shirt sleeve on fire.

Panic quickly ensued as a female patron screamed in fear, Gilbert flailed in shock, and the waiter tried to calm the situation. A female server quickly rushed forward with a pitcher of ice water and dumped the entire container on Gilbert.

The albino cried out at the sudden onslaught on freezing cold and once again found his attire sopping wet.

"Really?!" Gil muttered as he turned his face skyward warily and ignored all the flustered people now surrounding him. As he was mentally cursing every deity and force in the universe Gilbert almost didn't notice the gentle hand sliding into his own. He lowered his tired gaze and met the concerned eyes of his date.

"Are you okay?" Matthew asked as his eyes shifted to look at the other man's burnt sleeve. The red eyed man felt his heart swell and deflate all at once. He was happy to see his sweetheart concerned about his safety, but he also knew that the little Canadian was probably never going to talk to him again after the fiasco of an evening they'd had.

"I'm fine, liebling," he gave the blonde's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Come on let's get out of here. I don't feel like dealing with all this right now,"

"But," Matthew began to protest but stopped when Gilbert tugged gently on his hand. He led them past the concerned restaurant staff and out on to the street.

The walk back to Matthew's temporary home was just as silent and awkward as the walk to the restaurant. Gilbert had shut himself away in his own head to wallow in misery. Things had been going so well and then he had to accidentally set himself on fire. Surely, Matthew must think he is the biggest loser on the planet. He was probably planning to cut and run as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

"So this has probably been one the more interesting dates I've been on," the blonde said teasingly and effectively snapping his date back to reality. The albino became so entrenched in his despair that he failed to notice when they arrived at their destination still hand in hand.

"Yeah, it sure has," Gilbert said lamely and they again drifted into uncomfortable silence.

"Well, goodnight," Matthew said simply breaking the quiet and started to tug his hand from the albino's.

Panic suddenly seized him and Gil tightened his hold on his date's hand. He couldn't let things end like this.

"Matthew," he started and locked eyes with the other man. "I know tonight hasn't exactly been awesome. Scheiss this has probably been the worst date you've ever been on,"

"I wouldn't say the worst," the blonde said in a reassuring tone.

"No, it was terrible and I had planned this whole night to be awesome because…" Gilbert trailed off and his gaze fell upon their conjoined hands. Was he really about to do this? Was he really about to make a love confession like a besotted teenager? He adored the Canadian, but he didn't want to seem too forward. He glanced up at the man he loved and saw the expectant look on his face. Taking a deep, steadying breath Gilbert again locked eyes with Matthew.

"Matthew, mein liebling, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I think. No, I know I'm completely in love with you," Amethyst eyes widened in surprise and Gilbert didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. "I don't expect you to feel the same, but I hope that you'll at least stick around to give us a chance,"

Vermilion eyes bore into periwinkle as the albino waited for the other man's reaction. He braced himself for whatever was to come. He may have potentially screwed this all to Hell, but, damn it, he said what was in his heart. However, no amount of preparation could have prepared him for Matthew to start chuckling.

Dismay washed over Gil like a wave. This was it. He had gone and screwed things up so bad that Matt was laughing at him. Not only that he was probably thinking of some way to let him down gently.

His emotions must have shown on his face because Matthew's hands came up to cradle his face.

"Hey, don't be upset. I'm sorry I shouldn't have laughed, but you are being too adorable," the blonde said soothingly which only confused Gilbert.

"Uh, what?" He said dumbly.

"Gil, you didn't have to try so hard to impress me and I have my own confession," Matthew leaned forward until their lips were almost touching. "I was yours from the moment you messaged me on One World,"

Gilbert's heart swelled to bursting as Matthew closed the gap between them and their lips melded together perfectly in a brief, tender kiss.

They pulled away from each other grinning widely.

"Now let's get you inside so I can dry your clothes again before you head home," Matthew said as his hands came away from Gilbert's face. Gil mourned the loss of those slender hands but perked up a little at getting to spend more time with his sweetheart.

The blonde pulled out his key and opened the door for them to enter. They had barely walked into the apartment when the sight they found froze them in place.

Alfred was bent naked over the back of the couch making the most obscene noises as Arthur was savagely pounding into him from behind. Neither took note of their impromptu audience.

Without a word being said the returning couple did an immediate about face and walked back out into the hall.

"Gil, I am so sorry," Matthew said with an exceptionally apologetic look.

"It's all right, liebling. There are worse images I could have permanently burnt into my retinas," Gilbert said as he wrapped an arm around the other man's waist while leaning in close to his ear with a sly grin. "Did it give you any ideas?"

Matt pushed Gil away slightly and gave him a half-hearted glare before leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Not on the first date, dear," he said with a small grin as he extracted himself from his date's arms.

"What about the second date?" the albino asked coyly with a smirk.

"We'll see," the blonde responded as he slipped back into the apartment with a coquettish wink before closing the door.

A broad smile crossed Gilbert's face as he watched Matthew disappear from sight before turning to leave for his apartment. He was still sopping wet and had been on the most awkward first date ever. Yet as he walked to the stairwell he couldn't help the bounce in his step. He'd need to be sure to thank Liz for forcing him onto that dating site.

* * *

 **AN: Well I hope that was enjoyable for all. As I said I have several things in the works and will get them up as time permits. Until next tale lovelies!**


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